she makes me grin

Once again I’m finding myself thinking of our special friend, Kara. It is especially hard today as it is the year mark. I think of her smile, her wit, her charm, her love for life, her passion, her everything. It’s odd how I’m now able to have a grip on my emotions when I think of her, well most of the time. I’ve been through the disbelief, the sudden loss emotions, the anger and just the shock, the plain shock. What I now found myself moved on to is a grin- a massive grin. It comes out at the most random of times. Sometimes I find myself remembering something she has done. Other times I find myself reading and rereading memories that have been shared on the web site. I find myself noticing every green Cherokee that passes by and just thinking of all the times spent in her car. Those times when I couldn’t believe her driving stunts or her lack of any sense of direction. I remember a time when we were in the Jeep and Kara noticed that she was driving a bit too fast. Unfortunately, she noticed it because there were flashing lights in her rearview mirror. We were 16 at the time and Kara slightly panicked. She slowed down and pulled over to let the cop talk to her. Now most people know that you need to pull off to the right hand side of the road and attempt to reason with the cop. Kara on the other hand pulled off to the left hand side of the road. The cop was so stunned that by the time he got up to the car and saw those eyes he didn’t even know what to do. I think of her every time I see a little kid drinking out of a water fountain and remember how much she loved watching kids try to drink from flowing water. It cracked her up. I remember looking to find her in one of our numerous sporting events. I could always find her out on the field ready for that next move, anticipating. I remember seeing her in the halls at school, just waiting to see what would come out of her mouth. I remember playing Spoons with her when we were younger and dreading when I lost because I just knew that she would manage to concoct the grossest penalty. I remember sharing stories with her during college and just asking her over and over, “you did, what?”. I remember, I just remember and I love it. I love when she makes me grin. It’s the warmest of feelings I think I could possibly have. I miss her, but I love remembering.